Lauren Edmunds, a school founder specialising in learning delays, discusses how the “morning rush” can derail a child’s entire school day. She explains that when children arrive dysregulated due to stress, screens, or a lack of connection, their brains are not “online” for learning, forcing teachers to spend hours calming them rather than teaching.
Lauren argues that by replacing “clipped language” and road rage with gentle connection and role-modelling, parents can ground their children before drop-off. This shift ensures children arrive at school ready to engage, rather than just “masking” or pretending to learn. It’s a call for parents to lead the way in creating a calm, supportive start to the day that unlocks a child’s full potential
Transcription: The Power of the Morning: Regulation Over Education
The Parent Relationship to Learning
I’m very interested in the relationship that parents have to education and learning, and how that impacts their children and their children’s education and learning.
I think a lot of us had, or our reflections of our school days are poor. So we think we had a poor experience of school. That’s not to say that many of us didn’t have a poor experience of school, but I think there’s this internalised resistance to school that many adults have.
I think it’s fuelled around the braai where we talk about school as being perhaps a bad thing, or maths being difficult, or exams being too stressful, or “Why did we even need to study that? What’s the point of that?”
That language filters onto our children, and they come to school with the same mindset. “Why do I need to learn this? This is a waste of time. This is stressful.”
Reframing School as a Positive Experience
From my perspective, when I started my school, I wanted to create a space that children wanted to go to.
It really started with the language that I use around learning. It’s quite a powerful thing that I’ve seen over more than a decade of running the school, where we talk about learning as being a privilege, something exciting, something curious, and something rewarding.
We talk about school as a place of fun and safety, rather than the old-school idea that school is something we must moan about as part of our social currency.
When Children Are Not Coping
It’s all very well when our children are at school and coping just fine. But when our children are at school, and they’re not coping, one of the things that really gets in their way is the negative view of school that adults put out there.
I’m really on this mission, in my small world, to change how we talk about, think about, and interact with school.
I can say that my teachers use great language at school, and the children invariably can’t wait to get back. When they’re sick, they want to come into school because they feel safe, heard, encouraged, and like they’re achieving when we get to that point.
The Reality of Mornings Before School
What I often see in the mornings is children getting out of the car, running late perhaps, parents feeling frazzled, their fuse a bit short.
They’re using clipped language because they need to get to work themselves. The child has potentially had their tablet during the 20-minute journey. Maybe mum or dad has been irritated with other drivers on the road.
That’s the experience they’re having in the morning before they’re expected to sit down and learn how to read.
It’s really tough for an adult to go from screen-based shut-off, irritation, and non-connected time straight into being switched on and learning, and doing something that’s hard.
Creating a Transition into Learning
We have a buffer zone between a child being dropped off at school and starting the first lesson, so that we can soothe the nervous system.
We give them a little something to eat, let them play with their friends, and then we call them into class and start asking them to do academic work.
We find that if a child has had a dysregulated start, or consistently has dysregulated mornings, it can take up to two to three hours to regulate them before we can get any work out of them.
In a six-hour school day, that’s half the time spent regulating a child so that we can eventually get them into class to do maths.
That might seem like a waste of time, but I don’t necessarily view it that way. That’s the work the child needs.
When a child comes into school dysregulated, we have to regulate them first before any learning can happen. If we don’t, then it’s pretend learning.
Understanding Masking and “Pretend Learning”
I see this often. Children end up masking.
We say our child masks at school, but one of the reasons they mask is because they have to pretend to be okay when they’re not okay.
I want to drop that mask. I’m not interested in children being who they think I want them to be. I want them to be exactly who they are.
When they’re dysregulated, I make space for that so I can show them how to bring regulation back into their bodies, and then they can learn.
Children don’t need to mask when they’re with us. If they’re not okay, that’s fine. We help them get to a point of being okay.
But if a child is being dropped off dysregulated every morning, then I have to do the work of regulation before I can do the work of teaching.
The Cost of Dysregulation
Otherwise, children go into class and pretend to learn.
You end up with children completing worksheets where everything is wrong. They’re on time, they’re smiling, it looks fine, but they’re getting 2% or 20%.
We then wonder what’s going on because it looks like they’re sitting in class and doing the work.
Yes, they’re sitting there, but they are learning nothing.
Partnering with Parents for Better Mornings
I’m very interested in the reality of what is going on for a child, and then talking to parents about what they can do in the morning so that their child has six hours of learning, not three hours of regulation and three hours of learning.
Sometimes, depending on the child, we regulate for the entire six hours, and no learning happens.
We want to work together. I might ask parents, can you structure your mornings in a way that keeps your child calm and gently moving towards the day?
Have breakfast together. Be grateful for things. Watch the sunrise. Enjoy the birds singing. Make the bed together. Keep screens away.
Get them moving by brushing their teeth. Do it together. Role model a calm, connected, grounded morning.
Then, in the car, play “I Spy”, chat about what they’re going to do that day, or talk about a story you read the night before.
No road rage. No meetings at that time. It’s early in the morning.
Get your children to school feeling connected and grounded.
Setting the Child Up for Success
When children arrive at school on that strong base, I can get them into class, they can connect with the teacher, and they can get on with learning.
But when they arrive, having barely spoken to you, been on screens, been shouted at, rushed, and frazzled, it’s like going into a big presentation under stress.
Imagine you’ve had an argument, nearly had a car accident, been on screens the whole time, and now you have to perform at your best. It’s just not going to happen.
A Different Morning Experience
So what is the best thing you can do for your child in the morning?
Instead of disconnection, imagine this:
“Let’s get up. It’s so lovely to see you this morning. Let’s go make breakfast. Let’s eat together. How was your night? What did you dream about? What are you looking forward to today?”
“Let’s make your bed together. Let’s brush our teeth together. I’m ready. How can I help you get ready?”
In the car: “Let’s play I Spy. How many red cars can we see?”
With older children: talk about studying, friendships, and sport.
At drop-off: “It was so lovely chatting to you this morning. I’m going to miss you today. I hope you have a lovely day. I can’t wait to see you later. I know you’ve got this.”
That is a completely different experience.
The Impact of Connection
Your child moves into school feeling calm, loved, and connected.
“I feel safe. I know my place in the world.”
Then: “Hello, friends. Hello teacher. What do we need to do? Maths? Okay, no problem.”
That’s the goal.
I’m not saying every day will look like that, and not every child will respond the same way, but we want regulated, connected children.
When they are regulated and connected, their brains are online. When their brains are online, they can learn. When they can learn, they can progress, and life becomes easier.
Final Thoughts
My ask of parents is to re-evaluate your mornings.
You’re the adult. You need to lead the way. You need to make the changes.
Even if it’s one change a week, by the end of the term, within two months, you could have a much easier morning.
You might find that you’re solving problems that you’ve been trying to fix in other ways, simply by creating a calm, connected, and loving start to the day.
