Lauren Edmunds, who runs a school for children with learning delays, looks at how the way we moan or complain about schoolwork actually becomes the voice in our children’s heads. She argues that if we treat homework as a chore or a waste of time, our kids will too, which eventually makes the work even harder for them. This episode is about shifting that mindset by role-modelling effort and using language that connects practice to progress. Lauren shares practical ways to build “grit” and resilience, especially for students who find the work tough and don’t always see immediate results. The goal isn’t just to get through primary school, but to help children embrace challenges so they’re ready for the real world.
Transcript: Reclaiming the Homework Narrative
Helping Children Want to Learn and Put in Effort
I want to talk a little bit about how we get children to want to do work, to want to put in effort and take the time to do extra practice because we often struggle with trying to encourage children to do the thing they’re supposed to be doing and the thing that will get them to where we want them to go.
So there’s a couple of things. The first is they are only children. They don’t know yet what we know and explaining to them at a high level and a long-term level doesn’t really sit well with their brains. They’re kids, they’ve got kid brains. We need to talk to them in a kid-friendly kind of way.
So the value of homework is I’m so proud of you. Homework gets you to practice and know these things better. Look at the marks you get when you do your homework. So we start to show them a direct impact that doing their homework has on them.
How Over-Scheduling Impacts Learning
The things that get in their way of doing homework is over-scheduling their afternoons, but if your kid can handle it, then no problem. But if they’re struggling, schoolwork and passing and getting a good education is quite a serious thing to take on. It’s quite important for you to be focusing on that.
The Language We Use Around School and Homework
The other thing to think about is what is your language around school and homework? And it sounds crazy and we don’t often see it in ourselves and I’m a parent and I’ve seen it for myself as well in me, but how am I talking about homework? Am I overplaying it and saying it’s wonderful and magical and fantastic when clearly it’s not necessarily that for the child? Am I saying homework is ridiculous and I can’t believe your teachers give you this and oh my gosh, we have to do homework again because both of those become the voice in your child’s head.
It becomes their narrative, their story. And if they think something is hard, it’s going to be hard. If they think something is a waste of time, it’s going to be a waste of time and then will become hard. And it’s not a waste of time. It’s the thing that will develop their discipline, develop their ability to do what they have been asked to do and it will give them practice opportunities.
Effort, Grit, and Why Practice Matters
Think about the 10,000-hour rule. We don’t get to mastery if we don’t put in the effort. And if we think about what Angela Duckworth talks about in terms of grit, people who succeed have talent, but that talent is only brought about through effort. And effort supersedes, or it supercharges talent.
So effort is what we’re looking for in any child. And if you think about the first job they’re ever going to get, are they going to come home from their job and go, “Oh, this is so terrible, and I don’t really want to do it, and I’m not going to put in effort.” Well, they’re not going to get very far in life, and they might not even keep their job.
Role Modelling Effort at Home
What kind of attitude do you want them to have toward their work when they’re older? Well, that’s what you’ve got to build in when they’re younger. So first thing I want you to do is to check your own language. Are you huffing and puffing? Are you saying this is ridiculous?
Are you avoiding homework as well? Are you doing it yourself, or can you put in the effort and show them that effort can be put in? And how are your role modelling efforts? Are you doing it? “We can get this done. Five minutes is nothing. I can help you out. Look how much better you are now that you’ve practised this. I’m so proud of you. Let’s keep going. Can we track how many times you’ve done homework? Oh my gosh, you’ve done homework every single day this week. Look at how well you’re doing. I see that your mark improved on Friday, and I think it might be because you practised, and homework is just practice.”
Making Learning Feel Achievable
How can we do this differently to make it fun for you? How can we tackle the hard things first, and how can we learn to do hard things? All of these will make school easier for your child.
What makes it harder for them is the narrative that it is hard, not worthwhile, a waste of time, or that the silly teacher doesn’t know what she’s talking about. All of that language hurts your child. It doesn’t hurt anybody else. It certainly doesn’t hurt the teacher. It’s your child’s future.
Building Healthy Self-Esteem Through Learning
And what kind of attitude do you want them to have when they’re adults? What do you want to put in them? What stories do you want them to have in their head about work, about progress, about succeeding, about themselves?
A child with healthy self-esteem that understands that mistakes can be made, that I can rectify them, that I can try hard, and that it can pay off.
Supporting Children With Learning Difficulties
Now let’s talk a little bit about children with learning difficulties, where sometimes trying hard doesn’t pay off. So you want to have a different slant here. You want to say, “When you try hard.” But I see sometimes you don’t always get the result that you’re looking for. But I’m so pleased you’re trying hard anyway, because imagine if you didn’t try hard.
Now, what about if we take a different view on this? What if we study a bit differently? What if we just see if we can get one more mark than we did last Friday? What if we just have fun with the learning and see what happens? What if we do some extra lessons? Could that help you get this right? It would be so lovely if I could really help you understand this and enjoy your work.
Changing the Narrative to Change the Outcome
So we want to change the mindset for children so that when they focus on what they’re doing, they really commit to the goal, and they understand that it’s up to them and that you’re not going to drag them through primary school. Dragging them through primary school does not give them a primary school education. It just gives them a report and a tick box at the end.
We want them to be strong and robust, with grit, perseverance, self-control, enthusiasm, optimism, and gratitude for their learning experiences, because a person with that kind of attitude tends to take on harder things, wants to take on harder things, and tends to succeed.
Now I’m not trying to turn a failing student into an A student. I’m trying to turn a child who is struggling into one who embraces the struggle and doesn’t find it defeating, and I think that’s possible. Certainly, it’s something worth working on and developing over time.
You generally won’t get it right instantly. It’s going to be a process, but it’s worth it because ultimately, if you put that in place for your child when they get to high school, it’s already in them. You no longer have to battle to get them to do their homework. They understand the value of it. They understand how to place it in the afternoon. They understand that extra time is needed during exams.
They understand that when they’re taking on a subject for that homework, for that subject, that it is going to be a bit more strenuous, but they do it anyway because it’s just the way we do things around here.
So I think you have an opportunity to change your own narrative, which is an opportunity to change theirs, and then an opportunity to change their outcome as a result.
